I was a Stupid Driver

I was a stupid driver for many years. Of course it was when I was young so I have an excuse. My biggest problem was speeding. I also did some other stupid things like passing in dangerous situations. But the absolute most idiotic thing I ever did was backing my father's car through the front window of a Pizza Restaurant.

Lucky for me I didn’t hurt anyone inside the restaurant. But I did have to pay for the window ($275) and to replace the exhaust system ($900) that was ripped off the bottom of the car. At sixteen that was a lot of money.

They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to being cured. These days I am a safe driver. I don’t speed, I don’t tailgate, I use my turn signals and I always wear my seatbelt. But I am surrounded by idiots.

If you’re like me and just want to drive without some moron attached to your rear bumper then welcome. The stories chronicled here will help you know you’re not alone. Think of this as a 12-step program to becoming a smart and safe driver.

Monday, September 10, 2007

110 Years of Stupid Driving

September 10 marks a significant event in the history of Stupid Driving. One Hundred and Ten years ago today on September 10, 1897 was the first recorded arrest for drunk driving.

The Original Stupid Driver
London Taxi cab driver George Smith was arrested for drunk driving when we crashed his taxi into a building. Back then there was no breathalyser or even a drunk-ometer (the precursor to the breathalyser).

Drunk Driving in The USA, 1907
In 1907 there was a horrific car accident near Colorado City that killed four men. A 26 year old driver named Albert Marksheffel enjoyed a night of drinking with his buddies at the Elks Club. Next they loaded up in Albert's car for a cruise. At some point Albert lost control of his car, hit the railroad tracks, and crashed into a ditch.

Like many incidents the drunk driver lived. But four of his friends will dead at the scene. Albert lost his license but never spent a night in jail. This case caused many states to put laws in place to regulate drinking and driving.

Here we are in 2007 , three generations later and we still have people stupid enough to drink an drive.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Lance the Linbacker Drives Fast, Crashes, Knows Nothing

Lance is a linebacker for the Chicago Bears. He gets paid for crashing into to other people at hight speed and causing maximum damage. Crashing into a pole and destroying a $350,000 Lamborghini is something he does on his own time.

According to the Chicago Tribune, Lance crashed his fancy car at 3:15 in the morning. Driving at 3:15 in the morning starts to hint that a driver may not be to bright. There are exceptions. Like having a baby, delivering a baby, or coming home from that night shift. From what I can tell the Bears were not practicing at 3:00am...

The Car
According to accounts, the car has significant damage to the suspension. For an Italian sports car that means the repairs will cost more than most cars on the road.

The Driver
The story reported by Lance the Linebacker is more bizarre than the accident.
He says that he called a tow truck, then called the police to report the car was stolen, then called the police back to say it was not stolen. Even more bizarre is that the Police say they have no record of his calls. Somewhere, someone is wondering why they were getting crank calls at 3:15 in the morning.

Maybe Lance should consider a car that doesn't go 200 MPH. A hummer is good for crashing into things and still offers an image fit for a linebacker...

Monday, August 20, 2007

Florida Turnpike Tolls for Dummies

A toll is:

"a payment or fee exacted by the state, the local authorities, etc., for some right or privilege, as for passage along a road or over a bridge."

Most turnpikes have tolls. As you are driving along you start to see warning signs like "approaching toll booth", "prepare to stop in 1 mile and pay a toll", "hey stupid, start scrounging around your car for $1.25".

A Toll Booth on the Florida Turnpike near Orlando

Who Doesn't Get the Toll Thing?
Apparently there is an epidemic of moronic drivers in Florida that do not understand what a toll is. They speed through the toll booth without paying. We could try to blame this on tourists but they are only a fraction of the problem. No, most of these dip stick drivers are licensed Florida Drivers.

3,000 people a day blast through Florida Turnpike Toll booths without paying...

Pay Your Fine On Time
The problem has become so common that the Florida Highway Patrol has setup a special enforcement effort and implemented a zero tolerance policy. If you are caught running a toll booth you will receive a letter in the mail, in most cases it will include a traffic citation with a $25 fine.

Since most tolls are about $1.00 you might want to consider paying your toll next time.

If you pay the fine within 30 days, the citation will NOT BE FILED with the court. You are done. If you DO NOT PAY THE FINE within 30 days, but pay it within 75 days then you will pay a penalty ranging from $75 to $154.50 (depending on the county) and you get no points on your drivers license.

If You Don't Pay the Fine
If you wait more than 75 days - you are officially a stupid driver. Your drivers license will be suspended and you will not be able to renew your vehicle registration until you resolve the issue.

Imagine losing your drivers license over a $1.00 toll. It happens and is further proof that we have plenty of people

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Drunk Student Driver Runs over Instructor

Naples, Florida
Reported in the Naples News

The Student Driver
Victoria, the student driver had just finished 4 glasses of wine. Her eyes were blood shot and she smelled of alcohol. That's when she and her father-in-law decided it was a good time for a driving lesson. Her blood alcohol level was .146 - almost double the .08 legal limit for DUI in Florida. If they waited a few more minutes she may have just passed out but they didn't.

Sitting in the drivers seat of a Chevy Pickup with the drivers door open Victoria went to step on the brake but hit the gas. As the truck flew in reverse the open door struck her father-in-law, knocking him down and catching his leg under a tire.

The Driving Teacher
The driving teacher was dragged across the street. He is unconscious at Lee Memorial Hospital in Ft. Myers. His leg is so damaged that doctors considered amputation but have decided against it for now.

The Damage
The truck flew back over a curb and crashed in to the side of a garage. There is about $1000 damage to the garage and $5000 damage to the truck.

The Penalty
Victoria was arrested, charged with DUI and spent the night in jail. She was released on $4,250 bail. Let's hope that Victoria decides not to pursue her drivers license.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Drunk and Stupid Driver

Driving Drunk and Stupid in Palm City, FL

Alan was hammered. So much so that he drove his jeep liberty over the curb in front of his house and got stuck in his own front yard. Someone saw him driving like a drunk and called the Martin County Sheriff. Alan claimed that his jeep was tucked in the bushes because it had been raining.

The problem is that his explanation made as much sense as parking in a tree because it's a sunny day and it had not been raining. The Sheriff gave Alan a break. He was home and told the officers that he was going to stay home. The problem is that he didn't. He got back in the car, got it unstuck, and drove.

The Sheriffs caught up with Alan a second time at 2:15 in the morning. This time they took him to jail. Where he spent the night and had to post a $1000 bond. $500 for the DUI and another $500 for obstruction. The $1000 is just the beginning. The average cost of a DUI in Florida is $8000.

Here are the details of the arrest from the Martin County, Florida Sheriff:

Booking Nbr: 4302024181 Booking Date: 08/03/07 Time: 02:13:32

Arresting Agency: MCS Officer: JUNG Place of Arrest: SR 714 @ SUNSET TRACE CIR PALM CITY FL

Initial Arrest Date for these charges: 08/03/07


Charge: FS*843.02 OBSTRUCT WO VIOLENCE Bond: 500.00

The only question now is did Alan learn anything or will he drive stupid again...

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Can you Afford a $363 Ticket?

Today's stupid driver is Tonya from Tallahassee. Tonya is a college student who somehow managed to go 25 MPH over the speed limit in a school zone in Tallahassee. Tallahassee is in Leon County Florida and is the Capital of the state.

Tonya's biggest worry is that she cannot actually afford the fine, which is $363.50 according to the Leon County Clerk of Court. She decided to take a traffic school course online, which saves here little on the fine. It goes down to $317. Florida lets you take a 4 hour class for tickets 5 times in your life. By taking the class called "Basic Driver Improvement" you get no points on your drivers license and your insurance cannot go up because of the ticket.

What's really frightening is that Tonya had no clue she was in a school zone and had no clue she was going 25 MPH over the speed limit. She was going 60 MPH in a 35. Not sure what she was thinking but the only place you can go 60 MPH in Florida legally is on a highway like I95 or the Turnpike.

In Florida, speeding fines are doubled in school zones and construction zones.

This seems to prove that there is no connection between basic intelligence and getting a drivers license, or even getting into college. But now Tonya knows the reason they post those school zone signs - it's not to make it easy to find your local elementary school

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Hit and Run in Port St Lucie Florida

This story comes from Gary of Indian Town, Florida.

Gary and his wife were out cruising on his 1997 Yamaha Virago motorcycle in Port St Lucie, FL when they were hit by a driver with no insurance and no license.

The Stupid Driver
This stupid driver was driving a pickup and was apparently annoyed by traffic. So he took to the right lane to get past a line of car and then made a LEFT TURN FROM THE RIGHT LANE. Unfortunately Gary and his wife were coming the opposite direction when this moron cut in from of them causing a collision.

The idiot then took off. The police did catch the guy and arrested him.

The Victim
Gary has a cast on his left foot, stitches in his right arm, and was intensive car for several days. His wife has a broken arm and cuts and bruises.

The Motorcycle is OK
According to Gary the motorcycle need some repairs but wil be OK. The problem is that his wife is now scared to ride on it.